There is no hope, no love, no cure 

Everything traces back to abusers 

You will never be happy and you fucking deserve it 

You fucking cunt, slash your legs, keep crying 

Mommy doesn't want to send the police on the holiday

Despair doesn't miraculously disappear on special days 

If miracles were possible, then I would already be dead 

And you would be cleaning my brain off the bed

Haunted by the stench of my misplaced anger

Why can't I cut myself, let me be numb 

You're preventing my comfort for the sake of your own

I will never get help screaming at stone walls

I promise nobody in public would even see my wounds 

Because only cowards do it for attention

I can't masturbate, I can't eat, I can't live 

So why do you prevent my only option of relief

All I have done is take you for granted

You should feel that I deserve this

I am a danger to myself, motherfucker

Due to my inability to be a danger to others

Do you know how relieving it would be 

To hurt everyone that isn't me 

To be the next active shooter 

To be the most feared serial killer

To finally experience screams of terror 

That are not confined to my brain and ears

I am the only one haunted by the screams 

The maniacal thoughts spewing insults at me 

Obviously, no one can here my mind screeching

If they were screaming themselves, maybe they'd understand

But I can't do it, and I can't force you to get it at all

Because in the back of my irrational head I know that's wrong

And so I put out my hateful thoughts in a song 

The entire time, basing my lyrics on irrational thoughts

And as I read it back, I see myself calling everyone evil

I see hurtful words directed at all the wrong people

I see hatred directed towards myself, it's not right

You don't think I know that? 

Of course I don't deserve to die

And neither does anyone else

Of course I didn't deserve my abuse 

No fucking shit 

My heart is aware of these things, running on humanity 

But my brain refuses to accept it, running on irrationality

And so my heart and my brain are always fighting 

My body is a battlefield, and I wish I could find peace 

I'm trying so hard to get help

Find peace and end this hell

But the option that seems the easiest

To nuke it all away with my death

I have the most accessible way to find peace surrounding me 

The easiest way out, but I have more shit to do in life, you see

So I take the hardest option, find help and remain alive

Not for me, not for anyone, I just have shit to do down the line

3 drunk guys just came into my job and forced me to call their friend a burger on camera. They were also screaming allahu Akbar and I'm autistic. And one of them was overflowing his mouth with sandwich, shit was falling out like rabies foam. Did I find my soulmates?

I was jerking my gherkin for so goddamn long that the other hand I had scraping against my carpet is injured from rug burn. I couldn't even cum. I didn't bust a nut. I busted a knuckle. I'm bustin knux over here wtf man

I miss my friends. I miss the bbs. I feel so isolated. I just got a girlfriend but I'm so scared of going out of my comfort zone. It physically hurts me. My heart feels cracked but nothing even happened. I'm just so scared of change. I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm supposed to be making stop motions. I haven't even started. I can't focus enough to play games. My interface is busted so I can't record music. I couldn't stay at work yesterday because I couldn't stop crying. Who do I have to talk to. My mom and stepdad are always at work or asleep. My stepbrother is quite literally too stupid to even understand. I don't want to discuss it with coworkers because my girlfriend is my coworker. And normally I just go on the bbs and pour my heart out so a bunch of people with no answers will at least listen. But I don't even have that now. I feel so alone. The only voice I'm hearing is my thoughts. And my thoughts are constantly telling me that I'm crazy and I deserve to die. I hate my life. I hate that I have to live like this every day. I keep trying to better myself but time and time again something gets in the way of that and suddenly it feels impossible. I just wish I could be happy. That's all I want. But it's too much to ask. So I get trapped in my thoughts and pour it out in a Facebook group. A group based on newgrounds, a place where I've done nothing but fuck up. Half of you probably hate me. And I wouldn't even blame you because I hate myself. If I could take back all the stupid shit I've said and done I would. But unfortunately it's never that easy. @malachy @turkeyonastick @tomfulp

None of you deserved to put up with me. I could apologize a million times and it probably wouldn't mean anything. Im sure you don't think about it as much as me. Because you guys shouldn't feel guilty for anything. I should. And I do. This has nothing to do with why I was even sad at first. Or maybe it does. Because clearly Im not getting a straight answer as to what the fuck is wrong with my brain. So my brain just reminds me of all my mistakes. And then I cry like a bitch about it for a couple hours. And get over it. And then do it again. Fuck this cycle. What the fuck happened to me. I used to do nothing but be creative. And now I've landed here embarrassing myself during another episode. Thank you for coming to my Ted Psychosis

First wholesome newspoast in... ever I think.

Yeah there's a girl at work that I think is really cool. With the same retard humor as me.

For a very long time I just avoided asking her out because we're coworkers. But if there's anything I've learned from the mental hospital, it's that my life is just gonna stay shitty without taking risks for my happiness.

So I asked her today, it took me like 4 straight minutes to get the fucking words out. And she said yes.

And now I can't be near her without having a giant shit eating grin on my face.

I feel so happy and I'm not used to that.

It feels so foreign to me.

But still feels nice

April 7

Mark it down

Write it on the side of your Weiner

Ya boi is fresh out the mental hospital

And feeling fucking amazing

Ready to take on the world

Still taking a break from the bbs tho, focusing on music and some stop motion shit

I tend to be purposely disgusting as a joke and not think about the fact that the forum is filled with teens at this point

I'll watch what I say from now on because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable

Especially if they're complaining about it

But if it's mist saying these things, I'd like you to keep in mind that he solicited underage users for nudes under the account furrygod

I hope he's not saying there's logs of me talking to people on discord, because I don't use discord

I don't want to delete this account because of all my submissions

I am taking an indefinite break tho

I'm going to request a ban for a month

I think it would be best for my sanity

I feel so stupid for giving any ammunition that mist could use to make me look like a creep. I'm under the assumption that users themselves are directly complaining about how I speak. Because if it's mist, then keep in mind he was soliciting underage users for nudes under the name furrygod. Eyelovepoozy confirmed that. Mist calls literally everyone a pedophile and hasn't given any proof.

But if I'm fueling the fire with the stupid shit I say, then I really need to change. This is a big wake up call for me.

I don't deserve any of your respect or kindness

I've spent my whole life crying like a little bitch

I deserve to be thrown in a fucking ditch 

All that stops me from suicide is cowardice 

I deserve the same hatred that I've spread on this planet

Regardless of me being molded into this unwillingly 

I treat my family with hate and can't fucking stand it

I only suffer more from you not killing me 

I wish everyone around me could suffer like me 

My hatred is becoming a gateway to sociopathy 

Bend me over and rape me until I'm bleeding everywhere 

Beat me til my bones break off and I puke from the fear 

A toy for the abuser is all I have ever been good for 

I'm a dirty faggot, I'm the bitch, nothing more 

Too much of a coward cunt to kill myself at all 

A fucking pussy who's suffering will always be prolonged 

You can't help me, you can't save me, you can't cure me 

And you certainly can't convince me any of that is possible 

You can't fix me, you can't tell me, I'll ever be happy

It's not physically or mentally possible, not at all

I deserve to fucking die a most bloody and gruesome death 

And all of you deserve to watch me choke on my last breath

I want to rot, I want to decay, I want to kill myself 

I pray there's an underworld, because I deserve hell 

Don't you fucking dare tell me to love myself

I am fucking trash, and I don't deserve to live 

Kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself

My mind is begging for death, but my body doesn't give a shit 

Hate is all that I have known, that's never gonna change 

The only release I'll ever have is when I'm fucking hanged 

I didn't ask for schizophrenia, I didn't ask to be born 

All I ask for is happiness, but all I'm given is scorn 

I can't decide what I deserve more

To live a life of suffering, or die in a pile of gore 

Fuck you, fuck me, and fuck everything

I can't explain my thoughts, so I just fucking scream